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You Are Not a Reflection of Others

September 18, 2012

When people treat you badly, act in selfish ways, or make hurtful choices, this does not define you, it defines them!  Have you ever blamed yourself for someone elses bad behavior thinking there must have been something you said or did to cause it or something you could have done to prevent it?  ‘If I was just a better _______, (friend, lover, wife, employee), “if I would have, should have, could have, then maybe………”

When you begin to become comfortable in your own skin, there is an intuitive knowing inside that someone elses bad behavior is not only not about you, but alas, you get to the place where you can detach from others with love.  This doesn’t mean you don’t care about them but what it does mean is that you care enough about yourself to not get hooked into their toxic drama.   Here are some helpful hints that you can use to steer clear from negativity that does not belong to you;

  • Remove yourself physically from the situation and get busy.  Don’t take it on or give it any energy.  Remember, it’s not about you
  • Write about it.  Keep a journal and you will be amazed at what you find out about yourself.  Usually when I begin writing about something specific, I find out there is much more going on inside of me below the surface.  A wise friend told me once that there is something that happens between the heart and the pen that does not occur between the mind and the mouth.
  • Pray for that person whether you mean it or not.  Bless them and wish for them all the things you wish for yourself.  Eventually you will find through repetition that you no longer harbor resentment for the person as a result.

Do what you can to forgive and do it for yourself.  It takes a toll on the mind, body and soul to stay angry and carry resentment. Be kind to yourself and make the decision to “drop the rock” and let it go.  If a situation is unacceptable to you and/or is not in alignment with your values and morals, do yourself a favor and move on.  If someone treats you badly consistently and you allow it to continue, you are giving them permission to treat you badly and while you are not responsible for their behavior, you are responsible for your own behavior.

Know at the end of each day that you have done your best to do your best and you can look at your own reflection and smile.  Don’t forget, Optimists Rock!

Copyright 2012       Robin B. O’Grady

Facebook:  The Optimists Edge

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