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Don’t Take it Personal!

March 4, 2013

Do you find that your feelings are often hurt by other people? Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements suggests that you don’t take anything personally and that nothing others do is because of you.  Can you believe it’s not always about you?!  Other people say and do things based on their own perceptions and reality which is likely quite different from your perception and your reality!  It goes back to the old adage; if you ask ten people the same question you are likely to get ten different answers because everyone has a different frame of reference.  Here are some things you can do to take responsibility for your feelings and shift negative energy into positive energy.

  • Go direct!   Talk to the person directly using I statements and let them know how you feel and what you want and need from them.  You may find that 9 out of 10 times, they had no idea your feelings were hurt to begin with.  People don’t have crystal balls and can’t speculate what is happening for you so let them know!  For example you could say something like this; I feel _____ when you______ and I would appreciate it if you would______.  They may or may not choose to act on your statement but at least you will have said what you needed to say.
  • Practice compassion. Unfortunately some people are just negative, critical, and unhappy but if you don’t take it on or wear it, it can’t have an effect on you.  Take the jacket off;  it doesn’t fit you, it stinks, and it’s out of style.  Everything doesn’t have to be a big deal.  Is it something you can let go of and not give any energy at all?
  • Understand that if you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bug you at all.  No matter what people say, they really do care about what other people think and feel about them.  One of the primary needs of humans is to be accepted.  Being a caring person means that you will be conscious of others and what they think and feel.  Just remember your thoughts and feelings are as important and follow your own intuition.

With practice, you can become an expert at not sweating the small stuff and letting things go and addressing the things that are really important in a healthy way so that you can feel good about yourself and move forward.  Just don’t take it personal and remember…………Optimists Rock!

Copyright  2013  Robin O’Grady

Facebook: The Optimists Edge

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